8 June 2014

Queen of the HIPSTERS!

.Pokemon Yellow - making train journeys durable since 98.

.Today was spent causing a ruckus around Middlesbrough.

.I bought a portable toothbrush today which confused me at first as I was under the impression that all toothbrushes were portable... this was until I realised you can flip this toothbrush out like a POCKET KNIFE. 
I've since decided that I'm going to take to the streets and fight crime.
They'll call me CAVITY GIRL (it's better than Oral Girl)

.I confidentially handed the lady in Starbucks a Tesco receipt in place of actual money - surprisingly not the first time I've done this. 

.I had an encounter with a suicidal spider who jumped out of a pair of trousers I was ironing.
My screams for help did not rouse the neighbours one bit.
I'm starting to question how they feel towards me.

.It has hit that point in the night where my brain cells have turned to mush and my bed is giving me a come hither look.
Okay bed, you win this time.

happy animated GIF
Remember to STAY ABSURD. 
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3 June 2014

10 Reasons to Drink Green Tea

1.) Helps you lose weight in all the right places!
The good stuff in Green Tea activates fat-burning genes in the abdomen to speed weight loss by 77%. 
Don't expect an instant miracle but with a good diet and a healthy lifestyle you'll be unstoppable.

2.) Anti-aging
Have you seen Green Tea advocate Johnny Depp? The man is 50 and looks about 30.
Green Tea is full of anti-oxidants, which will not only takes years off your face, but will pop them years onto your life-span, so maybe you can hang around to see all your beloved celebrities turn into this...

3.) Lowers the risk of cancer.
The polyphenols in Green Tea will actually decrease tumor growth, kill cancerous cells and stop them growing. I read somewhere that it can make these cells actually commit suicide. Pretty dark I know but DIE, CANCER, DIE - apologies for the violent outburst.

4.) It gives you an energy BOOST.
Green Tea does have caffeine in it, but only half the amount that coffee does so it just gives you a healthy kick up zee buttocks. I drink about 7 cups a day so I tend to have a constant 'I'm just happy to be here' buzz about me.

5.) Altimeters and Parkinsons 
Once again, the Polyphenols will help fight the free radicals that play a role in Altimeters. 
A recent two year study took place with people aged 80+ and 96% of those who drank green tea showed no signs of cognitive impairment compared to only 12% of those who didn't drink it. 
Results.

6.) WONDERS FOR YOU SKIN.
The anti-oxidants and anti-inflammatory activities in Green Tea will help fight acne, break-outs and spots as well as giving you a healthy I didn't spend last night crying into my pizza sort of glow.

7.) Boosts your metabolism
If you drink 3-5 cups of Green Tea a day you could burn an extra 70 calories that day, so go ahead and eat that fry.

8.) Cholesterol
Green Tea is enriched with catechins which can lead to reductions in bad cholesterol, which just so happens to be a main cause of heart disease and stroke.

9.) Immune system
As well as its anti-cancerous properties, the anti-oxidants will strengthen your immune system! You'll basically be Superman minus the cape... unless you have a cape, in that case go crazy.

10.) Stress and Anxiety relief.
L-theanine is an amino acid found in Green Tea which can have a soothing and a calming effect, it increases the production of brain waves known as alpha waves which are seen when a person is in a relaxed state. 
Plus who doesn't feel relaxed when avin' a nice cuppa.

Green Tea gives you super powers.
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