Monday, 21 July 2014

Why 'wolf-whistling' and 'catcalling' is not okay.

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I don't think you're a disgusting human being for telling that chick, who is half your age, that she has nice tits.
I do think you may be incapable of tying your own shoelace and could perhaps be severely lacking in functioning brain cells, and any common courtesy for the opposite sex.

Let's get down to business; feel free to grab a pen and paper.

1. Whistling is for dogs.

2. If you want to make a girl feel incredibly ASHAMED and INSECURE about herself then keep going!
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3. When you wolf-whistle or catcall at me, you should know that I have meticulously planned out the murder and disposable of your body.

4. If the roles were reversed, it would JUST BE WEIRD and slightly awkward if I did it to you.

5. I'm probably going to cry later.

7. It is fairly dehumanizing! You are now a slab of meat. 
Humanity? What Humanity? Who needs humanity when you got an ass that shakes like jelly.

8. I'm a big girl and everything (yet to make it through a Saw film), but it is intimidating and slightly threatening.

9. We get it! YOU'RE STRAIGHT. *slow claps*

10. Hypersexualisation - it aint nice, and maybe you should watch less porn and read the bible or something.

11. Would you like it if a strange man started harassing your mother and shouting things at her down the street.
Yeah, I'll bet her ass doesn't look all that shakin' now.

To the men who still do this to women,
 I would suggest therapy and a strong steriliser.

Disclaimer -
I love men and I fight for all human beings to be equal.
Cos dats feminism bitch - WE BE TALKING ABOUT EQUALITY. 
If you slap me, I slap you. Fairs.
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Sunday, 8 June 2014

Queen of the HIPSTERS!

.Pokemon Yellow - making train journeys durable since 98.

.Today was spent causing a ruckus around Middlesbrough.

.I bought a portable toothbrush today which confused me at first as I was under the impression that all toothbrushes were portable... this was until I realised you can flip this toothbrush out like a POCKET KNIFE. 
I've since decided that I'm going to take to the streets and fight crime.
They'll call me CAVITY GIRL (it's better than Oral Girl)

.I confidentially handed the lady in Starbucks a Tesco receipt in place of actual money - surprisingly not the first time I've done this. 

.I had an encounter with a suicidal spider who jumped out of a pair of trousers I was ironing.
My screams for help did not rouse the neighbours one bit.
I'm starting to question how they feel towards me.

.It has hit that point in the night where my brain cells have turned to mush and my bed is giving me a come hither look.
Okay bed, you win this time.

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Remember to STAY ABSURD. 
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Tuesday, 3 June 2014

10 Reasons to Drink Green Tea

1.) Helps you lose weight in all the right places!
The good stuff in Green Tea activates fat-burning genes in the abdomen to speed weight loss by 77%. 
Don't expect an instant miracle but with a good diet and a healthy lifestyle you'll be unstoppable.

2.) Anti-aging
Have you seen Green Tea advocate Johnny Depp? The man is 50 and looks about 30.
Green Tea is full of anti-oxidants which will not only takes years off your face but will pop them years onto your life-span so maybe you can hang around to see all your beloved celebrities turn into this...

3.) Lowers the risk of cancer.
The polyphenols in Green Tea will actually decrease tumor growth, kill cancerous cells and stop them growing. I read somewhere that it can make these cells actually commit suicide. Pretty dark I know but F*CK CANCER - apologies for the profanity but it needed to be said.

4.) It gives you an energy BOOST.
Green Tea does have caffeine in it, but only half the amount that coffee does so it just gives you a healthy kick up zee buttocks. I drink about 7 cups a day so I tend to have a constant 'I'm just happy to be here' buzz about me.

5.) Altimeters and Parkinsons 
Once again, the Polyphenols will help fight the free radicals that play a role in Altimeters. 
A recent two year study took place with people aged 80+ and 96% of those who drank green tea showed no signs of cognitive impairment compared to only 12% of those who didn't drink it. 

The anti-oxidants and anti-inflammatory activities in Green Tea will help fight acne, break-outs and spots as well as giving you a healthy I didn't spend last night crying into my pizza sort of glow.

7.) Boosts your metabolism
If you drink 3-5 cups of Green Tea a day you could burn an extra 70 calories that day, so go ahead and eat that fry.

8.) Cholesterol
Green Tea is enriched with catechins which can lead to reductions in bad cholesterol which is a main cause of heart disease and stroke.

9.) Immune system
As well as its anti-cancerous properties, the anti-oxidants will strengthen your immune system so you'll basically be Superman minus the cape... unless you have a cape, in that case go crazy.

10.) Stress and Anxiety relief.
L-theanine is an amino acid found in Green Tea which can have a soothing and a calming effect, it increases the production of brain waves known as alpha waves which are seen when a person is in a relaxed state. 
Plus who doesn't feel relaxed when avin' a nice cuppa.

Green Tea gives you super powers.
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Sunday, 11 May 2014

You could save me from the way I tend to be.

The weekend has flashed by and I'm almost certain I spent the majority of it on a train or at the train station 

Last night we had a little Eurovision gathering - GRAHAM NORTON WAS ON FORM. 
He was the commentator and was just the perfect mix of :
.I don't want to be here.
.I'm being sarcastic.
.I'm making a joke at your expense.
.Yes, I am taking the piss out of you.
Which is basically the UK in a nutshell.
The morning was followed by Green Tea, Cinnamon Swirls and Pewdiepie.
Which was closely followed by an interesting conversation with a gentlemen on the train about Doctor Who. 

.My sweet love for Cacti (Cacti? Cactuses? Cackles? Snap, Crackle and Pop?)
.A very beautiful place, which name has completely slipped my mind, I think they make famous wine there.

I am now sippin' on some hot chocolate whilst watching Spider Man 2.
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Wednesday, 7 May 2014

How to rework a vintage tee.

Dear God, I'm practically Gok Wan.
I loved the design of this beautiful top but as it was a men's medium I figured it would need reworking a bit.
You can buy an old top like this for less than 3 POUNDS, just hop onto Ebay.

 Break it down now yo:
. Cut into the collar - I went for a wide off-shoulder look.
. Roll up the sleeves - I rolled up mine about three times and then stitched the under-arm.
. Hem it - I rolled up the hem about twice and stitched them.

If you make one then be sure to tweet me your pictures @OtherGraace
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